Monday, September 23, 2024

Ask JD - advice by the best for the hoi polloi

 JD - I've raised 4 kids and put them through college and at 56 am finally able to start saving for my retirement as my youngest graduated this year.  My oldest just had twins and I know your latest policy proposal says I should take care of my grand kids.  If I quit my job to do this, will the government step in and take care of my retirement?

 - Guilty Grandma

Dear Guilty - your signature says it all.  You need to stop being so unrepentantly selfish and follow my policies as dictated.  As for your retirement, only a lazy slacker would look to the government to bail them out.  Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and stop looking for a handout you shameless welfare queen. 

 - JD

Monday, September 2, 2019

Bob talks to his boss

Boss: "Bob, you know I think you are an excellent employee and I appreciate your work ethic but these allegations against you raised by ex-wives and girlfriends are concerning."

Bob: "Well, boss, let me tell you, those stories just aren't true.  These are harpies who are obsessed with me and wish they were still the focus of my affections."

Boss: "I totally understand.  Those women could never find another guy as good as you.  Sorry you have to deal with such pettiness.  Carry on!"

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Professional Interest

How difficult is it for a dermatologist to keep up with national politics if the story/newscast/article includes a picture of Steve Bannon?

Monday, January 1, 2018

Medical update


Garvey is a successful guy, he has his own company, lots of money and power.  How did he get this way?  Part of his success can be attributed to a condition which is the opposite of body dysmporphic disorder (BDD).  BDD sufferers often become obsessed with their looks, a flaw perhaps or more.  Those who suffer from anorexia often describe looking into a mirror and seeing a fat person.  Thus, their reaction to restrict caloric intake makes perfect sense to them even as they starve to death.  Garvey, despite his money and success, is not what you would call a good looking man.  In fact, as there is no nice way to say this, he is quite ugly.  Thanks to his opposite body dysmorphic disorder (OBDD), when he looks into the mirror, he sees a stunning gentleman.  So attractive is this image he once hit on a much younger woman whose age appropriate boyfriend was described as "Brad Pitt."

Garvey's disorder contributed to his success by giving him a level of confidence rarely found in humans.  Unfortunately for his female clients and customers, this confidence manifested itself in a lot of inappropriate sexual offers and incidents.  Garvey considers it a favor to women to have the opportunity to massage his naked body, observe him while he participates in acts of self love, or perform sex acts with him.

Unfortunately there are few documented cases of OBDD and Garvey needs to be studied in more detail. The suffering of a few attractive women is a small price to pay for continuing to document this case.   We would like to work discovering a cause and a treatment.  If a cause can be isolated and tested, it might be useful to level our odds.



Note: This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.